Opinion

It’s Undeniable: Trump Is Blessed With Really Stupid Enemies

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Posted: Jul 16, 2018 12:01 AM
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It’s Undeniable: Trump Is Blessed With Really Stupid Enemies

Donald Trump goes to Europe, scandalizes the Euroweenies, libs, and cruise-shilling grifters of Never Trump, and comes back victorious. He’s about to get his second SCOTUS justice confirmed – all they have on Brett Kavanaugh is that he likes beer and is named “Brett.” In Congress, the Democrats decided to go all in on abolishing ICE because Americans love open borders and welcome MS-13 or something. In the Mueller farce, the Dems decided that the smart play was to publicly run interference for creepy weirdo Peter Strzok when he went on national TV doing his impression of Lotion Boy from Silence of the Lambs.

Hey Pete, what do those Trump voters smell like? Smells like a red wave to me, you insipid weirdo.

How did Trump luck out by getting such hopeless geebos for opponents? It can’t just be chance. At every turn, these dummies choose to lock themselves into the most implausible and indefensible positions imaginable, then push all their chips into the center of the table. It’s almost supernatural – maybe Trump won the intervention of some ancient demon by heading over to the offices of the Weekly Standard and snatching away one of its Never Trump scribblers to use as a virgin sacrifice.

Look, I was not a Trump fan at the beginning – I was anti-Trump but never Never Trump, both because I was Never Hillary and because I wasn’t a Beltway squishboy who would take his white paper and go home when my guy Ted Cruz lost. I just had no idea what to make of Trump at first because he didn’t look like any mainstream Republican I had seen in the last few decades. But then, I soon realized that he didn’t look like any mainstream Republican I had seen in the last few decades because he wasn’t a hapless loser. He was the anti-Jeb!.

I recount my conversion (hilariously, according to such blurb writers as Nick Searcy and David Limbaugh) from being anti-Trump to Trump-curious to pro-Trump in my upcoming book Militant Normals: How Regular Americans Are Rebelling Against the Elite to Reclaim Our Democracy, except I give a lot more detail and use a lot more swears in there. Suffice it to say that my conversion (and that of many others) was based on the undeniable fact that Trump kept his promises and sided with America in a way we haven’t seen from a Republican since Reagan was owning the libs back in the eighties.

How did this guy win, and in doing so crush the avatar of the establishment, the smartest woman in the world, Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit? One of his secrets to success is really no secret at all. It is to embrace the obvious. Unlike our exhausted establishment, Trump rarely holds to bizarre, indefensible positions. You would think that would be an instinctive thing for politicians of both parties – “I know! I’ll adopt stands on issues that won’t make my constituents ask ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’” – but it isn’t. Instead, the establishment has somehow talked itself into taking positions that are so clearly ridiculous that Normals scratch their heads, baffled at what they are being told by their betters via the lapdog liberal media.

Look at NATO. The entire foreign policy establishment is scandalized that Trump says he expects the Europeans to cover their fair share of the NATO nut. Now a normal American is going to think “Yeah, I think they ought to pay their share of their own defense. Sounds reasonable.” But the establishment collectively wets itself – “HE’S DESTROYING THIS ESSENTIAL ALLIANCE BY ASKING THE PEOPLE BENEFITING FROM IT MOST TO ACTUALLY PARTICIPATE IN IT!”

And the Normals (many of whom, like me, actually served in NATO) wonder, “Well, if it’s so essential, why aren’t the allies eager to pay for it?” And the establishment responds, “SHUT UP, RUSSIAN STOOGE! ASKING THE ALLIES TO MAKE NATO MORE EFFECTIVE BY PAYING WHAT THEY PROMISED, WHICH IS STILL A FRACTION OF WHAT THE U.S. PAYS, IS PLAYING RIGHT INTO PUTIN’S HANDS. ALSO, THE EMOLUMENTS CLAUSE SOMEHOW.”

Okay, as an expert on arguments, I must observe that this is a losing argument. Now, I’m not relying on my expertise gained from a quarter century of convincing juries to go my way to say that. I don’t need to. I’m relying on the fact I have actually met normal Americans. This is such a facially idiotic argument that only someone in the establishment could talk himself into believing it.

Here’s a test. Leave DC or New York, drive a few hours out to America, find a random guy on the street and ask, “Hey, don’t you think it’s awful that Trump wants our allies to increase their contributions to their own defense to just about half of what the U.S. pays?” You can safely assume he’ll respond, “Wait, why only half?”

The Normal/Elite disconnect was also in full effect regarding the new SCOTUS dude. The establishment decided it’s going to bork Brett by pointing out that he bought baseball tickets and apparently liked beer in college, like there’s not a significant portion of Americans who wouldn’t be thrilled to have their next justice be nicknamed “Kegmaster K.” And what’s the new fussiness about alcohol, or are they upset because he quaffs brewskis (RUSSIANS!) instead of guzzling chardonnay? The Dems weren’t so picky about partying in 2016 when Stumbles McMyTurn was staggering all over the map.

Well, not in Wisconsin.

Then the establishment attacked Brett’s family for looking like a normal family instead of a traveling freak show. The Kavanaugh kids didn’t have nose rings or teen tatts, and they presumably know which bathroom to use. This, to the establishment, is unforgiveable. To Normal Americans, this constant social warfare against people who don’t want to be sketchy mutants is just more inspiration for more militancy.

The Democrats have also decided that they want to go into November on the platform of abolishing ICE and opening the borders to future Democrat voters from festering Third World hellholes. Perhaps they didn’t read the polls, but Normal Americans – the ones not appearing on CNN, working for Soros-funded agitator collectives, or in college squandering their dads’ money on degrees in Oppression Studies – actually like borders. If Trump’s brain trust gathered together in his palatial Mar-a-Lago estate to concoct a scheme to get the Democrat Party to adopt the most tone-deaf possible platform, they could not have drafted one better than what the Democrats have created for themselves. The Dems ought to be required to report everything they have done lately to the Federal Elections Commission as an in-kind donation to the Republicans in 2018.

And then there is the Mueller/ FBI/Collusion/Treason charade, which has normal people asking, “Is that still a thing?” Yeah, kind of, though it becomes less thingy every day as it becomes obvious that Sad Bassett Hound Mueller and the Conflict-of-Interest Crew’s got no-thing.

The establishment is convinced that Peter Strzok came out of that hearing not looking like a guy who probably has a sex dungeon in his basement. But he totally looked like he has a sex dungeon in his basement, thereby launching a thousand memes of him leering, smirking, and generally channeling Paul Lynde.

Despite the best efforts of borderline mental defectives like Ted Lieu and whoever that dork was who wanted to give Strzok a Purple Heart, this paragon of the establishment came off to Normals as exactly who he is – a skeevy bureaucrat who delights in jamming up other people with the rules he ignores. The FBI Motto is “Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity,” and that married serial sexting hack blew two of those just by cavorting with his gal pal. He and his establishment supporters somehow think Normals aren’t going to figure out that if his wife can’t trust him not to nail the chick at the next desk, we can’t trust his explanation for why he didn’t nail the woman with classified material all over her emails who was supposed to be the next president.

One of the secrets of Trump’s success is having really, really stupid enemies, enemies who are so tone-deaf and out-of-touch that they simply cannot adopt commonsense positions that resonate among normal Americans. The establishment instead insists on telling Americans that up is down, black is white, and girls can have penises. Nope. No wonder the Normals have gotten militant, and no wonder a leader like Donald Trump came along with the vision to exploit the opening the establishment left for an outsider to rise and prevail by embracing the obvious.